Vaneesh’d Page 2

Vaneesh’d Page 2.

 

Old skool pen and ink with CS6 photoshop.
I really struggled with this page, again, Vaneesh’d is being elusive. At least she let me see her from behind. Working on this comic is really odd, returning to the uncertainty, fear anxiety a critical illness can deliever is… well uncomfortable. When I was inking the page I had a flashback of drug induced panic attacks I used to get before the doctors got my meds sorted out.

Perhaps for this reason Vaneesh’d is shy, maybe she doesn’t want to see the light of day, maybe she wants to stay buried. In the dark where it’s safe and she doesn’t have to deal with the changes and impact those changes have made on her host. Who knows perhaps in page three she may say something.

Vaneesh’d Page 2

Old skool pen and ink with CS6 photoshop.
I really struggled with this page, again, Vaneesh’d is being elusive. At least she let me see her from behind. Working on this comic is really odd, returning to the uncertainty, fear anxiety a critical illness can deliever is… well uncomfortable. When I was inking the page I had a flashback of drug induced panic attacks I used to get before the doctors got my meds sorted out.

Perhaps for this reason Vaneesh’d is shy, maybe she doesn’t want to see the light of day, maybe she wants to stay buried. In the dark where it’s safe and she doesn’t have to deal with the changes and impact those changes have made on her host. Who knows perhaps in page three she may say something.

http://vaneeshd.wordpress.com/2013/04/29/vaneeshd

KittyPax: Emotional Zombie

Video

Anti-Love show at The Edge Gallery, Winnipeg Manitoba.
Pax spoken word, Kitty on Bass.
All rights reserved.

Pax and I have a long time friendship, he is a mentor to me, supportive and honest.
It’s always a pleasure to perform with him, we have been tinkering with sound and spoken word and language.
As Pax reads his piece, I follow along and try to interpret the poem, add a deeper dimension to his words. I’m not interested in traditional song structure, or the creation of a song, more atmosphere and language. We are trying to find the sweet spot between sound and language, to me the two haven’t met on equal ground yet. Usually the “music tends to over shadow the spoken word, or visa versa. We are exploring the idea of meshing the two.
It’s kind of funny to perform this stuff, most don’t get it, and we get a ton of confused faces in the audience.
It’s very funny… perhaps that’s the performance.

Drawing a blank :(

Image

In my office .. doing everything but working … drawing a blank page .. concentration .. zero .. anxiety and frustration … 100% … deadline approaching .. unavoidable…. change of scenery .. good idea .. walk to local cafe to work to avoid distraction .. great idea… cookies and tea .. absolutely awesome.
See ya there.

Executive Director

Executive Director.

Yes folks I have one, an executive Director, and she’s tough.
No messing around, she keeps things tight!

TO EAT DOG, PIG OR TOFU.

Fanatical,self righteous vegans piss me off .. and I am a fucking vegan.. so what.
Just my response to a post I read.. about the rights of a dog to a pig.

wow .. I can’t believe the comments here .. does anyone do any real research anymore? Is only uninformed knee jerk reactions all that matter these days? To ask the question if a pig has more rights then a dog is a bit stupid, narrow minded and some what idiotic .. the question that needs to be asked is .. do we as humans living today in the western world where we have more then enough to eat, really need to eat meat 24/7. Just for the record being a vegan doesn’t mean your saving the planet if your importing shit from across the globe like actave nectar to sweeten your tea instead of using local honey or maple syrup. There was a time when meat was a treat or for special occasions .. and the other question that needs to be addressed is global location, poverty, lack of resources, usually at the hands of our lifestyles here in the west, No one is innocent. Some part of the world don’t have enough to eat, all they may have is a cow and a couple of chickens.. they need to eat the chickens, cats or dogs .. to say killing animals for food is wrong is crap. That’s something that will continue no matter how much we self righteous vegans yell and scream. What needs to be addressed is how can we get control over OUR FOOD SUPPLY AND SECURITY, get agriculture back into the peoples hands, not multinational corporations. Then maybe, just maybe the farms where meat is produce will be smaller like the family farms easier to monitor, and more humane in it’s slaughtering procedures. In order for that to happen that mean turning of the computer, getting off your ass and get out there and demand your right to safe, local, gmo free food, doesn’t matter what anyone chooses to put in their mouth, we all depend of the food system to survive. And it’s been hijacked and noone seems to care. We as vegan are all hypocrites due to every kind of medical procedure or medication you have ever taken in your life was at the expense of an animal. Think about that. And yes I am a vegan, I have been through a meat packing plant, have seen with my own eyes how the animals are slaughtered, and my dad was a scientist who tested on animals all the time. We as humans really need to learn to respect all aspects life and death equally.

love n’ respect

Word up for the luv n’ respect I get from fellow bloggers out there.

Keep it real.

 

Force of Habit.

Force of habit or forced habit.

Feeling miserable, grumpy, negative and generally bitchy, was it a habit I learned? Or was it a habit I forced out of necessity? It’s been a month since I left my soul sucking job of two years and there have been some interesting developments in my life and me. Such as, I don’t eat as much, my obsession with food has pretty much evaporated, needless to say I have lost a bit of weight with out any effort. The chocolate addiction is still there, I’m ok with that, and I find myself craving it less then I did before. I don’t lose myself in front of the idiot box any more, I find I have the energy to read at night before bed. Nor do I find  myself clenching or grinding my teeth during the day, my stomach issues have resolved themselfs as well as chronic headaches are gone. I’m finding energy to go out for a walk after dinner, and finding interest in taking better care of myself, like taking the time to notice when I’m tired.

Is this a conwinkydink? I leave my job and I start feeling better physically and mentally?

I think not.

What is interesting is the way my thinking is changing or evolving. Let me give a bit of background, like most of us, I hated my job, my fellow employees hated their job, and they because they hated their job, they where miserable. As you all know this all makes for a hostile and miserable work environment, and we all find ways to cope with it in order to survive. Unfortunately the survival skills we learn can have consequences. Such as bulling in the workplace, harassment, gossiping, you name it, if a new worker enters the scene happy, the old war horses have to crush and bring them down.

We’ve all have witnessed or experienced it at some point.

Well I have and experienced it. Now that I’m out of it, it’s interesting, when ever I feel happy I have a reflex to suppress that happiness. Negative,  judgemental and disapproving thoughts flood my head, thoughts of resentment or mistrust for what ever it is I feel good about. It’s sad I learned not to feel or express happiness in order to survive my workplace.

Crazy.

Well I’m unlearning to be miserable and remembering how to be happy for me and others, having negative emotions is a fact of life, but they don’t have to rule life. Nor do I want to work in a place where it’s so damaging to my health on many levels.

And I ask “where is it written being an adult means being miserable.” It’s such bullshit. I took a 50 percent pay cut when I left my job. My economic life is harder, but I am happier, which in turn is refueling me for the energy I need to live life.

When I walked out on my job I wasn’t sure if I had made the right choice, at this point I have no doubt in my mind I did.

poetry slams are weird

Poetry slam are weird, or maybe just odd.

I never really feel comfortable at them, I feel so out of place, time and dimension.

Maybe I don’t take myself all that seriously or maybe I do, either way poetry slams are weird.

Or I’m weird, like marsh mellows.

Who came up with marsh mellows.

Marsh mellow sacrifices are weird, very weird.

Over an open flame we impale the poor buggers on a stick and burn them to a cinder, then we eat them.

All for presumed good times, for us, not the marsh mellows.

Weird.

Poetry slams are weird.

I mean it’s a competitive event and all I could think about was chocolate chip cookies… the soft and chewy kind.

……..  (the dots are me losing my train of thought, clever eh?)

I don’t know .. maybe it’s because I was never a competitive person and avoid real work at all costs and slams are work. Like picking all the green jelly beans out of  the bag, that’s real work.  Slams take the fun out of fun, like mustard on kraft dinner, no fun at all.

Slams are weird and there was not a cookie to be found.

Sad.

Maybe.

Either way it’s late and I still don’t have a soft chewy cookie, marsh mellows or jelly beans, or a sacrificial poet but I do have real work in the morning, that I can’t avoid.

Poetry slams are weird.

Or maybe it’s just me.

yea I think it must be me …. weird.

Vaneesh’d. In the beginning.

Vaneesh’d. In the beginning..

Page one of Vaneesh’d.. check it out peeps!